This past weekend I had a long conversation with a young lady whom I've mentored since she was in high school who has been having the damndest time trying to improve her life. She knows that there's a better life out there away from her hometown and she is doing what she can to get out into it by enlisting in the Marines. Unfortunately, due to some administrative mix ups the process is taking longer than she expected.
Regretfully, her major problems exist in her home. Apparently, her mother and (biological) father only got along when they conceived her because her mother is constantly telling her that she hates him and that she looks like him and sees his face when she sees her. Wrong? Absolutely, but let's not get stuck on that point. Let's move forward.
This young lady already has most of her stuff in boxes. That's just how ready she is to move out. Not only does she have the above mentioned problem with her mother, her younger sister is always picking fights with her. When she goes back at her sister, the sister runs to the mother - or if the mother comes into the room, she automatically jumps to the younger sister's side. She has even called the police several times accusing the young lady of being the one responsible for causing a disturbance.
Being a veteran myself, I reminded her that when she gets to boot camp those drill instructors are going to get into her face and say all kinds of things (none of them nice), and there will be nothing she can do about it - so I suggested that she start using her family as "practice dummies." I explained to the young lady that she needs to master the art of silence and the skill of humility. The only time there can be a disturbance is if she takes the bait. Her mother and sister know which buttons to push to get the responses they want. I instructed her to pull the plug on those buttons and stop taking the bait.
You see, if the electric company cuts off your power, it doesn't matter how many times you flip the switches in your house, you're not going to get the results you desire. If you maintain a higher sense of self, and don't allow people to get a rise out of you, then you strip them of the power they're trying to get over you. When you throw your hook in the water, if no fish take the bait then you go home hungry. I stressed to this young lady that she needed to cut the power and swim past the bait.
People will try to get a rise out of you. Let them. That's on them. What you do about what they do is on you. "He dared me to" has never been a legal defense. Neither is "She told me to hit her." People have to learn how to walk away. People have to learn that not every comment deserves being responded to ... but that's hard. Yeah ... it's hard, but the consequences for not going that route are otfen harder.
Man-up and take responsibility for your actions.
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