This evening I participated in a group blog discussion where the theme of the discussion was "Do you think a "Good Black Man" is hard to find?"My answer to the question & contribution to the discussion is below:
In life, you will find what you focus on. Sisters SAY they want to find a "good Black Man" but where are they looking? It may very well be compared to looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack. However, ask yourselves ... Why would a needle be in a haystack anyway? With THAT question in mind, where are sisters looking for "good black men?" If you're looking in the clubs, welcome to your haystack.
Young sisters can find their "good black man" in school. Instead of looking for the jock on swoll, or the "rico suave" brother who will look good in a picture with you at homecomeing or on Facebook, you might want to pay some attention to that brother in class who is actually participating in the class and scoring well on his exams & papers. You might want to pay attention to that brother who spends his free periods and the first couple of hours after classes in the library instead of the student union or campus pub.
Sisters in the workplace might want to pay attention to that brother who is always amongst the first ones to arrive to work ON TIME, if not even a little early, or the one who always gets his projects and assignments done on time, or even a little early. Pay attention to that brother who has the boss' ear because of the caliber of his work ethic - not because he's a sell-out or suck-up.
Even for those who do enjoy an evening at the club - you might want to pay attention to that brother who you may see only once or twice a month instead of the brother who is there CONSISTENTLY EVERY Thursday through Saturday nights. What about the brother who just goes and enjoys a couple of drinks and a couple of dances, but is not trying to buy every attractive woman a drink or ask every sister for a dance? A couple of times (in my single days) I was pleasantly surprised by sisters who introduced themselves by having the bartender send me a drink because I was that particular brother.
"Good black men" are hard to find, not necessarily because you're looking in the wrong places, but because you might not be looking for the right things. Granted, everyone - male or female - wants that man or woman who will be attractive, hoenst, & faithful; however, these are things you only learn after you've met the other person.Instead of "looking" perhaps try "observing" for a while. I have received several friend requests from beautiful sisters on Facebook alone based on how I go about expressing my views only to learn after seeing my profile that (unfortunately for them), I am a happily married man ... Sorry sisters - this one is taken (smile). HOWEVER, I am not the ONLY "good black man" on this forum or anywhere else.
In short, if you want to find that special needle, don't look for it in a haystack. Look for a needle amongst a multitude of needles. Most of what you'll find in that haystack are others just looking to roll around in the hay with you.
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