In addition to writing this blog, I am an avid reader & responder of a select few myself. A blog I read today was based on the question below. I was not only moved to respond to that blog, but even more so moved to share that response with you.
Here's the initial inquiry:
"Do women expect too much from men? For some women I know, they expect men to be the head of the household, make major decisions, and to make sure that their families are taken care of financially, mentally or physically. Is that too much for a man to bear?"
I believe that when a man and a woman make the decision that they are going to unite and make a life together, they must have an understanding of what they expect from one another. What actually happens, however, is that some - or a good number - of men and women get so caught up in the sex, the romance, the dinners, the gifts, the love of and with being in love ... that a very significant detail gets lost in the shuffle. The next thing you know there's a trail of rose petals leading to either the bedroom or a bubble bath with champagne and candles all around, a brother is on his knee, a ring is given, and a year and some change later ... "I'ZE MARRIED NOW!"
Seriously, if a woman wants a man to be all of these things, then she must submit to some degree and allow him to be these things. This submission is not one of subserviency, however, no ... it is one of support. Without a doubt, I am the head of my household. However, even though I may be the rock of my household, my wife is MY ROCK. She is the one who has to suffer while I vent about the bad day I've had at work. Emotionally ... she is my safety net.
I love seeing independent women do their thing. I love to see sisters like the one played by Gabriel Union in the movie "Daddy's Little Girls." However ... (and it helps to better understand if you saw the movie), such a woman - if she wants a man to "be the head of the household, make major decisions, and to make sure that their families are taken care of financially, mentally or physically," she must submit and allow him to do so.
Now ... on the flip-side, the man must cherish this submission his woman gives him, and he must not take it on some "Ralph Kramden" superiority ego-trip. A "real" man accepts his woman's submission and treats it as a valued asset, for deep down, the male ego is fragile. I have seen very strong male friends reduced to little more than emotionally disturbed smurfs by nothing more than his woman either cheating on him - or planting the seed in his head that she did. If you want more of an example of what I mean, listen to R. Kelly's song "When a Woman's Fed Up."
In the end ... when you have a man and a woman who communicate and establish what it is they expect from one another you have the foundation of what can become a strong relationship. The only thing constant in life is change, and as we grow older we all change. You will not be the same person next year that you are today. When in a relationship, you have to learn to grow WITH your mate so that you don't grow AWAY from him or her.
Communication is the key. HONEST & FREQUENT communication is the "Master" key.
Here's the initial inquiry:
"Do women expect too much from men? For some women I know, they expect men to be the head of the household, make major decisions, and to make sure that their families are taken care of financially, mentally or physically. Is that too much for a man to bear?"
I believe that when a man and a woman make the decision that they are going to unite and make a life together, they must have an understanding of what they expect from one another. What actually happens, however, is that some - or a good number - of men and women get so caught up in the sex, the romance, the dinners, the gifts, the love of and with being in love ... that a very significant detail gets lost in the shuffle. The next thing you know there's a trail of rose petals leading to either the bedroom or a bubble bath with champagne and candles all around, a brother is on his knee, a ring is given, and a year and some change later ... "I'ZE MARRIED NOW!"
Seriously, if a woman wants a man to be all of these things, then she must submit to some degree and allow him to be these things. This submission is not one of subserviency, however, no ... it is one of support. Without a doubt, I am the head of my household. However, even though I may be the rock of my household, my wife is MY ROCK. She is the one who has to suffer while I vent about the bad day I've had at work. Emotionally ... she is my safety net.
I love seeing independent women do their thing. I love to see sisters like the one played by Gabriel Union in the movie "Daddy's Little Girls." However ... (and it helps to better understand if you saw the movie), such a woman - if she wants a man to "be the head of the household, make major decisions, and to make sure that their families are taken care of financially, mentally or physically," she must submit and allow him to do so.
Now ... on the flip-side, the man must cherish this submission his woman gives him, and he must not take it on some "Ralph Kramden" superiority ego-trip. A "real" man accepts his woman's submission and treats it as a valued asset, for deep down, the male ego is fragile. I have seen very strong male friends reduced to little more than emotionally disturbed smurfs by nothing more than his woman either cheating on him - or planting the seed in his head that she did. If you want more of an example of what I mean, listen to R. Kelly's song "When a Woman's Fed Up."
In the end ... when you have a man and a woman who communicate and establish what it is they expect from one another you have the foundation of what can become a strong relationship. The only thing constant in life is change, and as we grow older we all change. You will not be the same person next year that you are today. When in a relationship, you have to learn to grow WITH your mate so that you don't grow AWAY from him or her.
Communication is the key. HONEST & FREQUENT communication is the "Master" key.
